Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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