ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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