It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
