So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
