I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
