Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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