i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
