The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
