Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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