The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
