She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
