So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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