i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
