How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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