We're facebook friends in real life
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
