so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
