I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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