you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
