Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
