I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
