His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I smell like Dick and happiness
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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