i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
