i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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