No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
