he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
