Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
