tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
