Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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