Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
