Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
