Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
