So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
