I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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