We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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