You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
