Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
