You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
