Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
