I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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