Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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