im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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