So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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