I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
