i already hear my dad disowning me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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