Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
