My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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