At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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