Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
