Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
