Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
