the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What a dumb baby whore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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