she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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