We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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