Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
