I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
