Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He shit in the fireplace
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
