I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
