yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
