Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
